Off and on I could concentrate. Then I would stop and talk with my best friend for awhile. I had bouts of sadness come over me. Last week I let my youngest son's father know I was moving in a little over a month about 3 hours away to finish college. Yesterday he informs me his attorney has drawn up new papers regarding our parenting plan. My best friend took me to the office today to go over the papers and then sign them.
I knew signing was an option not exactly a requirement. I read over them accepting the fact that once I signed it that meant my youngest beloved son would be staying with his dad more and also I would no longer be receiving child support from anyone. My biggest hurt though was knowing I would be seeing my son even less now.
It really does hurt because three years ago I fought for him long and hard. Things were much different then. My kids and I were living in public housing, I was just starting back to college and the kids were in activities all the time.
Since then I moved out of housing, had an apartment and a job then lost both of them thanks to the economy. I then had to change the custody of my oldest two to their dad since I was homeless in part because of his lack of paying child support and for them to continue attending the school our daughter had attended since 1st grade.
Things got sour between my mom, step-dad and myself. I didn't talk to them for almost a month. I apartment and cat sat for a lady from my church for four months until she had to move back to Florida. I sucked it up and moved back in with my mom and step dad.
A few months back on a whim I decided to apply for housing at Tennessee Tech. A few weeks ago I was notified I could come and pick out an apartment in July. I got really excited. Then I let friends and family know what was going on. Most of everyone is excited for me.
Today I just realized I have made a lot of difficult sacrifices that go deep. Only my middle child will be going with me. I haven't had much time to bond with him and he has had some trouble at school this past year. In fact, it was his worst year and they (the school staff) pretty much told me if he didn't act better he couldn't stay there. Well, that's fine because he is going to a great school this year! They are ready for him and excited to meet us in just a couple of weeks. I really believe this year will make a difference in Caleb's life.
It also means though that I leave my oldest and my youngest behind. My ex husband wants the oldest to stay behind and she has to an extent said she wanted to stay. Some people have suggested I take her with me because she is at the age where she needs me. She is 11 years old and I do understand the concerns.
Then there is my youngest child. I only see him every other weekend. I am supposed to get him for two weeks in August that I am looking forward to. It has been awhile since we have spent more than 3 days together. In fact, Spring break was the last time I got to spend a whopping 5 days with him.
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