10:10, 11:11, 12:12, 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44 and 5:55

It seems like the last two years my life was going down hill even though I was doing more productive things. I have been persistent getting through college even though it was getting more challenging. I tried getting out of public housing when I got what I thought was a great job with flexibility and I was coming out of my shell, being more outgoing.

Everything was crumbling around me though. Two months after my transition from housing to a fairly nice apartment, my ex husband got laid off from his job so the child support stopped. He had told me he got fired which I found out later from a relative it wasn't true and that the company had laid off a lot of people. So, for 18 months we got a very minute amount of support. In the meantime, I scrape through school trying to focus as well as focus on getting my job up off the ground. Well, that failed miserably after six months. I went from working at a home office to working in my apartment still trying to get things off the ground. After another three months that job ended.

A month later I was packing my stuff up including my three kids things and putting it into storage and moving in with my mom and step dad. We were basically, homeless. I felt like I had let myself down immensely and started regretting that I ever moved out of housing. But I knew my decisions back then were based on what was best for my kids at the time.

Fast forward to a year later, 2009. I have been on a waiting list for an apt based on your income for almost a year now and nothing yet. Nor do I expect to hear anything anytime soon. Instead I take a leap by transferring to another college than the one I had been attending through online classes for two years. I take another giant leap by applying for housing. I didn't even have the $50 deposit requirement at the time until I said something to my mom who in turn wrote a check.

I didn't know if mom did it because she wanted me out of the house asap or because she wants me to realize my dreams and finish college?

It doesn't matter anyways. A short time later mysterious things began to happen.

I started seeing 10:10 and 11:11 and 3:33 on the clocks quite a bit. After awhile I got curious so I was telling friends at church and doing research online about it. Basically in a nut shell, my guidance is letting me know I am on track.

After waiting nearly three months on campus housing I receive an email out of the blue from the reservationist. She wants to know when the earliest time is that I can move in. Well, I don't give her an exact date I just himhaw around about it. The next email from her says "Ok I'll just put you on the interested list just let me know when you have a date."

I turn right back around and send another email with a date I just throw out there. July 20th. I didn't realize til later that one, that is my oldest son's birthday and two I will have my youngest son until that morning!

Not too long afterwards, she replies back "Ok, I'll see you on the 20th. Be here before noon."

I'm like, holy cow, I have an apartment waiting on me!

Thereafter nearly every day I would see a clock whether in my Jeep, at home, in the office or on my cell phone or even something else that would have 10:10, 11:11, 1:11 or even 3:33. These were the most common times I would see.

To take it a step further here is more evidence of my guidance sending me a message:

The day I was officially moving which was July 25th, I was having second thoughts. I had never been away from my family nor my friends. 2 hours and 15 minutes away, or 110 miles was a long way. I had just rearranged the parental order and visitation rights for my youngest plus the oldest decided she wanted to stay with her dad. I was getting out of my comfort zone and into something new and unknown. Off and on I kept thinking I can still change my mind and just do my classes online at home. But then I would still be technically homeless.

I mean going without any privacy, butting heads with your mom and step dad on occassion, dealing with your sisters rowdy kids and having to wait on the bathroom is a big sacrifice on your freedom.

To be able to finally move into an apartment that is affordable and has all the basic needs has to be much better. I would finally have my own room, sleep in my own bed once again, Caleb and Hunter have their own room and when Shiloh comes she can share a bed with me. The biggest bonuses are doing what I want to including going to the bathroom anytime, cook what I want, watch tv whenever I want and I have central heat and air!

I was still sad off an on though.

So, on the way to my new apartment these doubts were creeping into my head. At least, until I was getting messages again. As I was picking my son up from his friends the mailbox across the street said 4040 which means I am doing good. The clock said 10:10, then I seen 11:11, 12:12 and 1:11 and passing by a gas station the gas was $2.22.

Go figure.

After all this I stopped my doubting and felt good inside. I knew it would take me a few days to adjust. Since that time I have been doing much better. And I still get indications just about everyday from my guidance too. At least twice a day I will see the clock reflecting 10:10, 11:11 or even 2:22.

The life I'm living and working on now

Some days I love my life and other days, well I don't. I have so many wishes I feel they are backing up as I write. I can say that I've been granted many wishes that I've wanted for a long time. It just seems like there is always a snafoo to it.

The love of my life is my best friend, my lover and my biggest supporter. Yet he is married. Before you get all bent out of shape, his wife has known about us for over two years. She and I hang out a lot and she helps me out with my kids and other things. Our relationship is like a roller coaster. From one day to the next you just never know if you're going up or down. The craziest part is I know he weinies out of things because he is afraid of the consequences of leaving her. He loves the both of us though he let me know that I am the only one he trully loves.

I finally had enough of the straddling the fence or the ups and downs of it all so I made up my mind and moved to Cookeville, a little over 2 hours away so I can finish my last year of college. Granted I have had so much homesickness mostly because I miss Mike. I know he has missed me too.

I often wonder if I am crazy for believing he and I can ever be together as a couple. It's what I want for us both. I mean, the both of us are happy together when it is just us two. There are times when his wife and I are together and want to strangle each other. Those are the times he wants to run away, which is why I mentioned I know he weinies out of things.

Then I also feel that the people who know about Mike and I(which there are plenty that do) know we love and care about each other so much and have made it clear they know his wife is on the edge of a breakdown they won't say anything at all to either one of them yet they'll say something to me?

The week prior to the big move, his wife was extremely clingy and it was getting on his and my last nerve. I went to talk to a small business specialist in our building and when I came back I noticed she was gone from the office. He let me know (in blunt words) it was time for her to go, to leave the office. He had been wanting to spend a day with just me and it took all week to do. The day before though was the kicker, or at least to me it was. She had Mike go out to the hall to talk to him for quite awhile. I found out later that she asked him if since I was going away did that mean it was over with between the two of us? Mike immediately told her no.

I talked to a close friend of ours later and she told me that the wife said to her that whenever Mike goes to Cookeville she is going too. I was honestly pissed off. I felt like she was trying to control things which definitely will piss Mike off. He was already that way because he found out the weekend before that she had been deliberately deleting text messages and turning his phone off to keep from communicating with me.

I did get upset with Mike though he won't tell me what he told his wife when she was confronting him. All I can do is trust that he let her know her trying to control him is going down the wrong path.

Do I deserve Mike? Yes I do. I have treated him like a human being for the last two years. He supports me in what I do and I do the same for hm. I made the choice to move to Cookeville for many reasons and one of them is for our relationship to grow stronger. We have been able to work on things better being separated. To make up for it we talk on the phone often, email and text each other.

We have had our ups and downs though I have always loved him. He has taught me so much and I do so many things I am so thankful for doing and learning about.

I am looking forward though to him visiting me in Cookeville, on his own.