10:10, 11:11, 12:12, 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44 and 5:55

It seems like the last two years my life was going down hill even though I was doing more productive things. I have been persistent getting through college even though it was getting more challenging. I tried getting out of public housing when I got what I thought was a great job with flexibility and I was coming out of my shell, being more outgoing.

Everything was crumbling around me though. Two months after my transition from housing to a fairly nice apartment, my ex husband got laid off from his job so the child support stopped. He had told me he got fired which I found out later from a relative it wasn't true and that the company had laid off a lot of people. So, for 18 months we got a very minute amount of support. In the meantime, I scrape through school trying to focus as well as focus on getting my job up off the ground. Well, that failed miserably after six months. I went from working at a home office to working in my apartment still trying to get things off the ground. After another three months that job ended.

A month later I was packing my stuff up including my three kids things and putting it into storage and moving in with my mom and step dad. We were basically, homeless. I felt like I had let myself down immensely and started regretting that I ever moved out of housing. But I knew my decisions back then were based on what was best for my kids at the time.

Fast forward to a year later, 2009. I have been on a waiting list for an apt based on your income for almost a year now and nothing yet. Nor do I expect to hear anything anytime soon. Instead I take a leap by transferring to another college than the one I had been attending through online classes for two years. I take another giant leap by applying for housing. I didn't even have the $50 deposit requirement at the time until I said something to my mom who in turn wrote a check.

I didn't know if mom did it because she wanted me out of the house asap or because she wants me to realize my dreams and finish college?

It doesn't matter anyways. A short time later mysterious things began to happen.

I started seeing 10:10 and 11:11 and 3:33 on the clocks quite a bit. After awhile I got curious so I was telling friends at church and doing research online about it. Basically in a nut shell, my guidance is letting me know I am on track.

After waiting nearly three months on campus housing I receive an email out of the blue from the reservationist. She wants to know when the earliest time is that I can move in. Well, I don't give her an exact date I just himhaw around about it. The next email from her says "Ok I'll just put you on the interested list just let me know when you have a date."

I turn right back around and send another email with a date I just throw out there. July 20th. I didn't realize til later that one, that is my oldest son's birthday and two I will have my youngest son until that morning!

Not too long afterwards, she replies back "Ok, I'll see you on the 20th. Be here before noon."

I'm like, holy cow, I have an apartment waiting on me!

Thereafter nearly every day I would see a clock whether in my Jeep, at home, in the office or on my cell phone or even something else that would have 10:10, 11:11, 1:11 or even 3:33. These were the most common times I would see.

To take it a step further here is more evidence of my guidance sending me a message:

The day I was officially moving which was July 25th, I was having second thoughts. I had never been away from my family nor my friends. 2 hours and 15 minutes away, or 110 miles was a long way. I had just rearranged the parental order and visitation rights for my youngest plus the oldest decided she wanted to stay with her dad. I was getting out of my comfort zone and into something new and unknown. Off and on I kept thinking I can still change my mind and just do my classes online at home. But then I would still be technically homeless.

I mean going without any privacy, butting heads with your mom and step dad on occassion, dealing with your sisters rowdy kids and having to wait on the bathroom is a big sacrifice on your freedom.

To be able to finally move into an apartment that is affordable and has all the basic needs has to be much better. I would finally have my own room, sleep in my own bed once again, Caleb and Hunter have their own room and when Shiloh comes she can share a bed with me. The biggest bonuses are doing what I want to including going to the bathroom anytime, cook what I want, watch tv whenever I want and I have central heat and air!

I was still sad off an on though.

So, on the way to my new apartment these doubts were creeping into my head. At least, until I was getting messages again. As I was picking my son up from his friends the mailbox across the street said 4040 which means I am doing good. The clock said 10:10, then I seen 11:11, 12:12 and 1:11 and passing by a gas station the gas was $2.22.

Go figure.

After all this I stopped my doubting and felt good inside. I knew it would take me a few days to adjust. Since that time I have been doing much better. And I still get indications just about everyday from my guidance too. At least twice a day I will see the clock reflecting 10:10, 11:11 or even 2:22.

The life I'm living and working on now

Some days I love my life and other days, well I don't. I have so many wishes I feel they are backing up as I write. I can say that I've been granted many wishes that I've wanted for a long time. It just seems like there is always a snafoo to it.

The love of my life is my best friend, my lover and my biggest supporter. Yet he is married. Before you get all bent out of shape, his wife has known about us for over two years. She and I hang out a lot and she helps me out with my kids and other things. Our relationship is like a roller coaster. From one day to the next you just never know if you're going up or down. The craziest part is I know he weinies out of things because he is afraid of the consequences of leaving her. He loves the both of us though he let me know that I am the only one he trully loves.

I finally had enough of the straddling the fence or the ups and downs of it all so I made up my mind and moved to Cookeville, a little over 2 hours away so I can finish my last year of college. Granted I have had so much homesickness mostly because I miss Mike. I know he has missed me too.

I often wonder if I am crazy for believing he and I can ever be together as a couple. It's what I want for us both. I mean, the both of us are happy together when it is just us two. There are times when his wife and I are together and want to strangle each other. Those are the times he wants to run away, which is why I mentioned I know he weinies out of things.

Then I also feel that the people who know about Mike and I(which there are plenty that do) know we love and care about each other so much and have made it clear they know his wife is on the edge of a breakdown they won't say anything at all to either one of them yet they'll say something to me?

The week prior to the big move, his wife was extremely clingy and it was getting on his and my last nerve. I went to talk to a small business specialist in our building and when I came back I noticed she was gone from the office. He let me know (in blunt words) it was time for her to go, to leave the office. He had been wanting to spend a day with just me and it took all week to do. The day before though was the kicker, or at least to me it was. She had Mike go out to the hall to talk to him for quite awhile. I found out later that she asked him if since I was going away did that mean it was over with between the two of us? Mike immediately told her no.

I talked to a close friend of ours later and she told me that the wife said to her that whenever Mike goes to Cookeville she is going too. I was honestly pissed off. I felt like she was trying to control things which definitely will piss Mike off. He was already that way because he found out the weekend before that she had been deliberately deleting text messages and turning his phone off to keep from communicating with me.

I did get upset with Mike though he won't tell me what he told his wife when she was confronting him. All I can do is trust that he let her know her trying to control him is going down the wrong path.

Do I deserve Mike? Yes I do. I have treated him like a human being for the last two years. He supports me in what I do and I do the same for hm. I made the choice to move to Cookeville for many reasons and one of them is for our relationship to grow stronger. We have been able to work on things better being separated. To make up for it we talk on the phone often, email and text each other.

We have had our ups and downs though I have always loved him. He has taught me so much and I do so many things I am so thankful for doing and learning about.

I am looking forward though to him visiting me in Cookeville, on his own.

Teacher Accused of Sexual Battery at Lake Forest Middle School in Cleveland, Tennessee

June 28th, 2009 is a night I'll remember for a long time. I had come back to the office I share with my best friend to get on the internet. As I do on a daily basis, I read our local newspaper The Cleveland Daily Banner. I found an article that for some reason caught my attention. It was regarding a teacher at a local school being accused of sexual battery of two minor male students. As I began reading the story the name of the teacher caught my attention and then I lost it. I looked at the picture in the paper then went to my Facebook page and checked this persons Facebook page reading the comments on her wall.

I was, to say the least, shocked. Casey Davis Brock is someone I've known since my junior year in high school. She was an honors student and star athlete with a very bright future. Her personality was a friendly one. She talked to everyone and had a sense of humor. Right out of high school she went on to attend a private 4 yr local university graduating with a bachelors in education. Casey is married with three beautiful girls. Looking at her Facebook page is totally a turn from what is going on in her life as well as her families.

Pictures appear to say she has the all american dream, the life many people wish for. I have often wondered what is going on? Do I believe the accusations? Right now I am still in shock and it is so hard for me to believe she can be guilty of such accusations.

She is one person whom I would not have imagined or even come close to imagining is guilty of sexual battery that can destroy her career for life as well as the possibility of being behind bars away from her family.

We all make choices others do not agree with. What we do may be controversial to another person. If Casey did do this then what was she thinking? I have often wondered if these accusations are a result of angry students or even parents? Because on the outside Casey seems like a strong willed person with everything she could ask for in life.

I pray everyday that this case will be resolved for Casey and her family. Though I feel like no matter what, her career has already been destroyed. Her accredibility, trustworthiness is gone by so many people. Yet there are those who still fervently pray for her believing in her innocence.

Personally, I hope and pray that Casey will be able to lead a productive life in the future whether the charges are dropped or is found guilty and has to spend some time behind bars. I really hope it is not the latter. She deserves to be forgiven and given a second chance.

Life

Today was a "scatterbrain" day for me. It was one of the most difficult days by far that left me balling on my best friends shoulder at lunch time. I was also feeling frustrated.

Off and on I could concentrate. Then I would stop and talk with my best friend for awhile. I had bouts of sadness come over me. Last week I let my youngest son's father know I was moving in a little over a month about 3 hours away to finish college. Yesterday he informs me his attorney has drawn up new papers regarding our parenting plan. My best friend took me to the office today to go over the papers and then sign them.

I knew signing was an option not exactly a requirement. I read over them accepting the fact that once I signed it that meant my youngest beloved son would be staying with his dad more and also I would no longer be receiving child support from anyone. My biggest hurt though was knowing I would be seeing my son even less now.

It really does hurt because three years ago I fought for him long and hard. Things were much different then. My kids and I were living in public housing, I was just starting back to college and the kids were in activities all the time.

Since then I moved out of housing, had an apartment and a job then lost both of them thanks to the economy. I then had to change the custody of my oldest two to their dad since I was homeless in part because of his lack of paying child support and for them to continue attending the school our daughter had attended since 1st grade.

Things got sour between my mom, step-dad and myself. I didn't talk to them for almost a month. I apartment and cat sat for a lady from my church for four months until she had to move back to Florida. I sucked it up and moved back in with my mom and step dad.

A few months back on a whim I decided to apply for housing at Tennessee Tech. A few weeks ago I was notified I could come and pick out an apartment in July. I got really excited. Then I let friends and family know what was going on. Most of everyone is excited for me.

Today I just realized I have made a lot of difficult sacrifices that go deep. Only my middle child will be going with me. I haven't had much time to bond with him and he has had some trouble at school this past year. In fact, it was his worst year and they (the school staff) pretty much told me if he didn't act better he couldn't stay there. Well, that's fine because he is going to a great school this year! They are ready for him and excited to meet us in just a couple of weeks. I really believe this year will make a difference in Caleb's life.

It also means though that I leave my oldest and my youngest behind. My ex husband wants the oldest to stay behind and she has to an extent said she wanted to stay. Some people have suggested I take her with me because she is at the age where she needs me. She is 11 years old and I do understand the concerns.

Then there is my youngest child. I only see him every other weekend. I am supposed to get him for two weeks in August that I am looking forward to. It has been awhile since we have spent more than 3 days together. In fact, Spring break was the last time I got to spend a whopping 5 days with him.